Ahh...

I will neither be disingenuous nor will I use ostentatious writing to convey my message; rather, I'll just go right to the point with simple plain language.

When certain things are taken out of context, they sound wrong. For example if someone took out of context some of the stuff I said to a teacher when angry, it would sound pretty bad. But once the circumstances are explained certain things are understandable.

I've shown for the past six years at Chinquapin that I have sense of propriety and that I am prudent. I've never really had any big problem with anyone. Usually, I'm pretty decorous with everyone, and I rarely get mad. Even when I get upset, I usually have great equanimity. I'm not even brittle because even under the pressure of anger I can usually keep my head cool. But I have a limit to how much I can take. Usually, I think before I say things because I'm not capricious. But I can get mad when people are unreasonable and stubborn. And when I loose my temper, it's not pretty.

Like this week, I know I was very upset, and lost my temper completely because a teacher gave us an arbitrary test. A teacher went off on us and gave us an extremely difficult test because many people didn't do the homework. He set us up to fail. I believe that, and will continue to sustain this claim. He was trying to punish people for not doing their work because he saw it as malfeasance. But the problem I have with this is that he punish me too, even though I did my work.

I understand he was frustrated, but I was and still am upset because I actually did my work. I don't like mediocrity, so I try to do the best work I can. I haven't been doing my best work lately because I'm just tired. I'm burned out, and I just need people (teachers) to understand that. I'm just tired of people telling me I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do when I'm really trying to get done the million things I have to do. The continuous reminder of everything I'm doing wrong is very discouraging and annoying.

I reached my limits. I was so upset because this teacher by giving us this extremely hard test will cause my GPA to go down probably significantly. I mean, I have worked my butt off for the last 4 years to have good grades for one teacher to come along and cause my grade to go down a lot. It's very upsetting, which is why I kind of went off on him. I was really frank with him, maybe a little too frank. But I needed to let him know how I felt. What made me even more angry is that he didn't care about what I had to say. He just seems not to care about us. It seems like he just wants to affect us negatively as much as he can, so he can get revenge.

I know I haven't acted so correctly myself. I was brusque and maybe even insolent when I was expressing my feelings, but I couldn't control it. It was frustrating to be talking to a rock. I'm trying to calm down, but I'm still very upset. I just hope this passes and that there will not be any enmity between us. For my part I was going to apologize, but today he just added more fuel to the fire. It will probably be some time before I can apologize sincerely.

See this is the kind of stuff that makes seniors want to leave. Certain people just create negative vibes, and I don't want to be in a toxic environment. I loved Chinquapin (I still do is just that I'm mad), and I thought I would never say this, but I'm ready to get out of here.

I hope that these essay doesn't seem a heinous one. I hope I didn't come out as pugnacious either, but if I did, I hope I get some understanding. I mean what is the expected reaction from someone who had to pay the price for something she didn't do. I felt like I was made reprehensible simply because the teacher believed I should. He thought I should be punished and blamed with all the rest even thought I did what I was supposed to do. I felt like I had been blamed for what others did. I want to also clarify that I do not intend to vilify the teacher that arouse my anger through this essay nor do I intend this to be a flagrant sign of any rebellion; I simply intend to vent through.